JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
