End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
