I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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