Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
