his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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