Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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