Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
