Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
