One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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