either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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