I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i would punch a child for taco bell
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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