Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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