If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
