I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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