i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
