thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
