so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
