If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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