Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
