its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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