I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
