I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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