She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
