apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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