the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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