Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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