I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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