Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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