Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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