I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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