DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
