No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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