nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
