i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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