i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
