The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
