i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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