Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
