Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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