I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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