the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
