i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
