i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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