i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
