I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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