I wish my penis had an off switch
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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