I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
