my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
