so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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