I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
