i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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