Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You made out with two different species that night
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
