he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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