idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
