beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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